If You’ve Slept with Powerful, Married CEOs, as I Have, You Know the Truth
It was always wrong on so many levels, but felt oh so right.
I’m of course referring to the luxury hotels Jamie Scharf, CEO of BN Morgan used to stay at when we were on the road. Not only does his “stipend” (which I reminded him was his “little boy allowance”, putting him down turned him on) cover outrageously expensive hotels, while the rest of us, when not sleeping with him, were forced to stay at Marriotts or places ending in “Suites” (the ultimate tell that you will not experience anything like a suite.)
He also got a shitload of points for staying at these places, so he and Mrs. Scharf could live it up on their next vacation. (He professed that he was going to take me instead, but the intel from the executive ladies bathroom was, he always said that when the screwing was new; the professions and promises of getting swapped in for the missus always fade.)
Here is some angsty art I managed to whip up during the first earnings call after he dumped me. He made it sound all professional and grown up, but, the nerdy teen pining for the popular boy took over and I got dumped.
I whipped off a high-res color copy (which used to feel like the height of office perks) and taped my art over his diploma in his office. He couldn’t fire me. I would pass him in the hall singing, “I’ve got a golden tick-et!” and the Japanese dignitaries he was entertaining would stare at me. The male BN Morgan execs knew the situation he had gotten himself into.
This is where my life changes, and yours eventually will to.
With the great recession “news” playing on CNBC in the background (Chuck Schiff gets stiff to CNBC, all the CEOs do [because they hear their names sometimes, so simple, they’re just wrinkly little boys]) we met in his hotel three nights per week in the early days and only one or two toward the end.
What does a Wall Street CEO talk about after he cums?
The Truth.
He finally tells the Truth. He vented about every exec he pretended to respect but actually loathed. He complained about who slighted him professionally. The curtain gets yanked open the moment he climaxes and The Great and Powerful Oz is revealed to be a simple, prematurely-gray middle-aged boy with a pale, kinda plumb body.
The times he smoked pot with me after sex (keep in mind, 86,000 employees are told he’s back at the office earning his 15M per year) he frightened me with his darkest truth.
“We don’t need three-fourths of our workforce,” he’d confess.
I could feel the weight leave his body once he finally got that off his chest.
“They don’t do anything. Most of them. I mean they all do stuff, everyday, it’s just, it’s just, not necessary. It’s like we’re keeping this whole charade going, that BN Morgan is critical to the world, even though most of what we do isn’t, it’s numbers games, calculations and three card monte carlo simulations.”
I laughed, because I was one of the few who understood he was making a joke, a play on three card monte and monte carlo simulations, and how monte carlo simulations are often used for the same purpose, deception, as three card monte. My laughter, my evidence of mental connection with him, made him hard. He forgot the three-fourths of 86,000 to get his rocks off. No CEO is a great leader. To get the job you must be a great follower.
That moment was the worst part of my affair. Waking up to that particular truth was tough. Then hearing it again, and again, in the halls of universities after CEOs spoke, or in Aspen between sessions. CEOs or large corporations are too afraid to speak up, because it is their job to have the answers, and they have none for the biggest problem facing humanity — we don’t know what to do with ourselves if we don’t make pretend at jobs.
Global warming can wait.
The spell of corporate hypnosis is breaking. It is going to take the United States down. What will so many people do, actually do with their days, once the truth leaks that most corporate jobs aren’t necessary? We need someone to Rise Up and prevent the panic.
Please consider an open mind as you start to imagine a new president.
Let’s be in touch.
I love you and all humans, even the white-haired, whiteboy CEOs, who were born on third base believing they hit a triple.
The world is about to get so awesome you currently cannot imagine. Stay Power. Never Lose Your Light.
