Are You There, Margaret? It’s Me, God
I didn’t mean to leave you waiting. You women move so fast down here on this little planet. I love this one. I don’t quite remember what I made you call it, it all gets so confusi — what?
You look mad, I can see it. Before you do. What’s wrong?
Oh! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. When I said you women move so fast I didn’t mean sexually, yes, I known men of your planet are very afraid of your power because, well, yes, I gave them to you.
Burning Bush 2022.
Oh! Sorry, forgot there was another silly president character who adopted my burning bush in your brain space, just like Trump took trump’s real estate. You humans play so well. You’re all so good at playing that you don’t know how to pretend anymore but you play pretend literally ALL. THE TIME.
It’s annoying.
But it’s cute. It’s cute! It is. Go me. Created you. So cute.
Right, this abortion thing. You’re all yelling at each other still. Well, that’s on me. Here’s the new source code, forgot to push it before I went home last century.
Western white males, mainly, who are so coddled (read rich) since birth are not especially sexual beings. They’ve lost touch with their most sensitive finger of them all. (Nose too, everyone insists on calling it a nose and forget it’s really a finger, just like the penis, to feel around, lead your way.) Anyhow, white men can’t talk about penis because listen we don’t need to get into that right now. They’re made enough at you women already. And we’re here to settle this abortion thing.
So, the men — think your Jesse Helms, those blokes, that strand, they’re sexually frustrated. They don’t go the sexually deviant in response to years of sexually frustrated route that the likes of JFK chose. Know who the most sexually frustrated men are? Religious men. Men who held tight to that myth of marriage their entire lives, believing it less and less each passing day but lying to others and especially themselves (just kidding it’s impossible to lie to yourself [unless you lived your whole life lying to yourself because you were scared a lot as a kid]).
They are afraid that everyone is as numbed away from sex as they are. And that’s bad for humanity. They aren’t “fighting” “global warming” because they don’t understand it. They’re so fixated on sex and procreation that the latest climatology science can’t possibly make their heart race and blood boil the way sex does.
Sex!
Well, the old white religious men have stale information. Extremely stale.
Elvis’ hips broke hymens across the country. Not directly, but they filled the minds of so many girls who couldn’t resist self-penetration that evening. Religious white men don’t like the masturbation topic either. Religious old white men can’t even imagine it. Their minds have no space for that image.
Old white men believe the rest of us will stop having sex if they don’t continue to scare “us” about murderous women coming for your babies. They believe they’re helpfully stirring the men up to procreate more. Remember, helping is the sunny side of control. And the men are going to revolt when they see how the movement has manipulated them for the last two decades. The insincere asshole bookends of Reagan and Trump, completely jolted awake the sleeping (frustrated) old white male of America. “I don’t need to stay with my old wife, I can get a more fit and frisky younger model like Nancy?” and “I don’t need to stay with my— ” you get the point.”
Regan and Trump rode the horniness of old white men the way old white men wanted young wh — well any “flavor” really, I mean, we all watch TV, we all know that no skin color, eye shape, or nose size rules apply anymore, we have evidence of sexiness from every corner of the globe now. We’re good, right? And the old white men, who were especially susceptible to the baby-killer propaganda in the past, they know what’s happening to them, right? The blue pill shit. Once older men feel virile again, they start to defend babies. Reagan and Trump would stoke these blokes with the Trump-eting of “PRO-LIFE”!
The bookends have been reunited, book over, story done.
Women do not WANT to get abortions. For 1000 reasons they BELIEVE they must. Everything from their insecurities about the quality of their mothering abilities to the terror of even more stress levels — oh, sorry, Margaret, did you not know? Most women are just like you. Their abortion is not their first child either. No, no. Not even close. Most women who have an abortion already 2.3 children, on average. Our country makes them feel the stress of constant performance and toil at the altar of Capitalism, then bashes them over the mind with a sledgehammer of guilt for not wanting a fourth child. According to the old white men and charge (and the secretly [but not so secretly, people just don’t talk about it]) dumb ones The (latest) Dumb One appointed to the bench. Lawyers aren’t necessarily intelligent. Neither are judges. Neither are doctors. Buffoons abound. Yet we all believe Amy Barret Conewhatever the fuck she goes by —
Sorry. Women have it hard.
Women don’t want abortions. Women believe they NEED abortions because the same old white men (and Amy Fuckface) insist they work their asses off, buy shit all the time, you know, “the economy”, that bullshit story, yet if your husband, who insists on minimum fucks per week else he’ll leave your overweight (from work and TOO MANY KIDS) ass so you can’t sleep cuz fat ol man’s stock has suddenly gone up at the office and he’s got needs and doesn’t do shit.
Sorry, Margaret. Maybe I’m not God. Maybe I’m an angry woman.
Maybe I’m not.
Maybe I’m just a woman.
And maybe the Supreme Court could never speak for God.
No. Definitely.
The Supreme Court can never speak for God. And they about to try.
Women of the world gonna bring the American economy to a halt if that shit goes down. Women allowed to have abortions, got RICH. Know who we took the money from? Rich old men. We’re now in charge.
100 MILLION WOMEN CANNOT BE WRONG.
If the United States of American reverses Roe vs. Wade the Stock Market will, rightfully, implode.
100 MILLION WOMEN CANNOT BE WRONG.
Who is going to buy shit online if women take the week off? We’ve been keeping this Capitalism bullshit story going for you old white men in office towers. But your ideas suck.
100 MILLION WOMEN CANNOT BE WRONG.
We are now richer than old white men.
Goodbye, old white men.
Love Always,
Neddy
